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roleplaying again

Feb 19th, 2015 at 10:39 PM · jaina, 2015 means doing better, char: jaina jade, roleplay
Some days, you wrestle with the toothpaste tube. You grab it and grip it and carefully work the contents out.

By which I mean that I squeezed out a roleplaying post again today. It ain't Shakespeare and it still doesn't come as easily as I remember, but I'm in it all the same. Feels good. One post does not a habit make, of course; I still need to work on keeping this up. One post is more progress than zero posts, though, and one drop at a time can fill a bucket.

... I don't actually know what that metaphor is supposed to represent, in this context. Gimme a sec.

It... means that, even if I manage one or zero posts every day, eventually we'll get there? I think. Don't ask me, they're just my words; why does that mean I should know what they mean?

I may be a little brain fried. My mind is currently full of a certain redhead dancing to Queen (because I refused to let her infinitely loop the Ramones). She can dance all she wants, just so long as she hangs around. I've missed her.

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frustration

Feb 14th, 2015 at 3:40 AM · roleplay
It's one of those nights where the words eke out like the last blobs of toothpaste in the tube: they'll come, all right, but they'll make you work to have them. You have to twist and crank and squeeze, and if you don't do it just so, you'll have to start all over, and you may waste what little you were able to get.

I'm frustrated. I wanted to get back into roleplaying again, but so far I feel like I'm mostly making a hash of it. A friend and I got one shared story going again, which was nice. It's a bit stalled at the moment, and I don't want to push anybody to write when/if they aren't able to get into it, but I have a good feeling about it. It make take some more discussion, but I think we can keep things rolling along.

Unfortunately, something in me wants more than one story. As I said, I don't want to push anybody, so I thought it would work if I went to a community I was part of years back that was still going, and just tried to see if I could slot myself into their activity.

That would work a whole lot better if I had the guts to post, oh, frigging anything.

I feel wholly inadequate. These people have this big site and all these stories they've written together, and what do I have to bring to the table? All I've got is sporadic bursts of creativity and a large lump of fear, which situates itself firmly in my throat whenever I so much as think about jumping in. Not that I know where to jump, either, but even if I did...

I don't know what would help, either. A site mentor to guide me by the hand? A boot to the head? A map? A ghostwriter to have my fun for me?

It's not all bad. I can feel my characters again, after years of stillness on that front. I'm not sure what I can do about that, given my difficulties finding enough roleplay to suit me. Maybe they can keep prodding me internally until I finally work up the gumption to do something.

The really strange part is that a new character showed up, name in hand, and informed me that she's a relative to an existing ancillary character and also not the species she looks like. She won't tell me what she is, just what she isn't. I gotta figure out where I can put her to work with her. I wanna find out who she really is!

It wouldn't be roleplaying if the characters didn't frustrate me, I suppose.

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