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better days

Oct 21st, 2014 at 7:59 PM · happiness, personal psychology, wtf an update
After a rough patch earlier in the month, I feel like I'm getting a handle on my moods.

I've completely changed my workout goals: instead of trying slim down, I'm trying to manage my anxiety. Now, I don't know if what I'm doing is a 100% Good Idea, so don't try this at home, but what I do is warm up, then try to get my heart pumping like a hummingbird's. Some mornings it feels a little like I might throw up, but the gross feeling isn't in my stomach - it's between my lungs. I don't like this sensation. At all. While I'm in this state, I repeatedly remind myself that this is under my control, everything is okay, nothing is wrong, just keep going and I'll see. Then I do a cool down and hit the shower.

What I'm trying to do here is give my stress-laden body something to do with all that stress: instead of storing it up, throw it all into the workout, realize that stressing about stress doesn't help anything, and then the rest of the day goes so much better. I don't feel super-happy or anything, but I can actually manage my emotions. I can remind myself not to dwell on misfortune, instead of getting knocked on my ass by a whirlwind of sobs and tears. (As a nice side effect, my machine-tracked estimated calories burned per day is actually going up, so my new goal isn't getting in the way of the old one; it's more of a perception shift than anything.)

It's strange, looking back on the emotionally distraught person that I can sometimes be. When I'm like that, I don't think very clearly. I get distracted easily. I forget things. I make poor decisions. When I'm that person, I don't even realize how bad my situation is, because I'm dwelling on other problems.

I'm not at my personal peak today, but I'm in the higher reaches. I feel pretty good. I got my main chores done and I get to play with my little nephews tonight. The big one asked what my favorite Legend of Zelda game is and if he can play it, so I'm trying him out on Link's Awakening; the little one likes to blow bubbles and run around frenetically, trying to catch them all. Good times!

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Sep 8th, 2014 at 9:33 PM · crossposted: msree.livejournal.com, happiness, wtf an update
My morning workout had plateaued a bit, but over the last week or two I've managed to kick it up a notch. Yay, endorphins!

I have a plush frog the size of a schoolchild and it lives next to my dinner table, posed like a cat waiting to pounce. A frog would not pounce that way. I do not care. My frog is soft and huggable.

I asked my husband what he liked or didn't like for meals. Turns our he would like more pasta. I love pasta, more than the average person, so I'd been holding back on fixing it too often. All pasta, all the time I feel freed to indulge a little more often from now on.

There's this old Apple II game (Transylvania) I used to play on school computers in free moments. I never got very far because Reasons. Turns out, there was a DOS port and the programmer has it freely available on his website and I beat it! Well. I got past the main sticking point I'd had so, so many times before, and then I realized that I had absolutely no idea what I should do next, so I used a walkthrough. (Bite me.) I've been gleefully booting it up and doing All The Things in a single playthrough, just because I can now. Bwahahahaha. There are sequels....

Life is good.

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